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Sunday, February 4th, 2007
11:00 pm - i can't sleep...
We stand at the threshold.
We are tiny—subatomic-particle-tiny
with enormous, ravenous hearts.

The rings encircling us,
Infinite, invisible, interlocking (we forget
that we hold this space).

We are not lacking. We are nothing,
and whole. We contain the entire span of the universe
within our vibrating center.

Listen.

(can you hear the rushing
where our edges blur?)

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Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
5:56 pm - Too horrifying not to post
Timeline

Friday, Aug. 26: Gov. Kathleen Blanco declares a state of emergency in Louisiana and requests troop assistance.


Saturday, Aug. 27: Gov. Blanco asks for federal state of emergency. A federal emergency is declared giving federal officials the authority to get involved.


Sunday, Aug. 28: Mayor Ray Nagin orders mandatory evacuation of New Orleans. President Bush warned of Levee failure by National Hurricane Center. National Weather Service predicts area will be "uninhabitable" after Hurricane arrives. First reports of water toppling over the levee appear in local paper.

Monday, Aug. 29: Levee breaches and New Orleans begins to fill with water, Bush travels to Arizona and California to discuss Medicare. FEMA chief finally responds to federal emergency, dispatching employees but giving them two days to arrive on site.


Tuesday, Aug. 30: Mass looting reported, security shortage cited in New Orleans. Pentagon says that local authorities have adequate National Guard units to handle hurricane needs despite governor's earlier request. Bush returns to Crawford for final day of vacation. TV coverage is around-the-clock Hurricane news.

Wednesday, Aug. 31: Tens of thousands trapped in New Orleans including at Convention Center and Superdome in "medieval" conditions. President Bush finally returns to Washington to establish a task force to coordinate federal response. Local authorities run out of food and water supplies.

Thursday, Sept. 1: New Orleans descends into anarchy. New Orleans Mayor issues a "Desperate SOS" to federal government. Bush claims nobody predicted the breach of the levees despite multiple warnings and his earlier briefing.

Friday, Sept. 2: Karl Rove begins Bush administration campaign to blame state and local officials—despite their repeated requests for help. Bush stages a photo-op—diverting Coast Guard helicopters and crew to act as backdrop for cameras. Levee repair work orchestrated for president's visit and White House press corps.

Saturday, Sept. 3: Bush blames state and local officials. Senior administration official (possibly Rove) caught in a lie claiming Gov. Blanco had not declared a state of emergency or asked for help.

Monday, Sept. 5: New Orleans officials begin to collect their dead.

(Adapted from: Katrina Timeline, http://thinkprogress.org/katrina-timeline/ )

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Sunday, January 9th, 2005
1:22 am

introject/compassion

every time i see her,
her hair is a new color.
i watch her eyes as she talks, circling
the same axis but never moving in
toward the center.

she sweeps around the death
as if it were a story
from someone else's life.
i hover on the periphery, holding
her ghosts until she can break
through to face them.
i want to be the one she's seeking,
the ideal who holds her
at the center.

we have nothing together but a small room
but this is everything.
i tell her she is good enough
and she argues with me. she
twists it into criticism
and wraps herself in it. she tries
to make herself smaller
and transparent.

within these four walls
i am the witness.

we exist moment to moment. she spins
words
to create herself
using a different color
every week.

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Monday, May 3rd, 2004
8:01 pm
Blood Fusion

One grandmother drinks vodka martinis,
discusses Karl Marx,
and colors her conversations with
“Ver clempt,” “Shmutzik,” and “Oh vez mear.”

One grandmother cried upon meeting my father
because
the Jews killed Christ.

I swing to the side, as if I can hide behind the word
Jewish
even though my mother
attended church every Sunday of her childhood.

When given an assignment
in middle school
to create a family tree as far back as possible
I discovered that one side
didn’t go any further than my great-grandparents.

Everyone else was killed
or lost
in the holocaust.

On the other side
my grandfather proudly presented a poster board
tracing the men-men-men back to the twelve hundreds.
“We came to the United States
in 1647,” he said with tangible pride.
He didn’t say, “That makes us
Superior. That makes us True Americans.
That ensures our shining, golden parking spaces in God’s heaven.”
But words don’t always need to be spoken
to be understood.

I can’t sort through the blood cells.
I can’t weed through
the self-righteous, the racist, the reactionary DNA strands
to leave only the communist intellectual radicals.

And I
still
hide behind a
word.

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Thursday, December 18th, 2003
11:45 am - gay marriage poll
The American Family Association has decided to try and "prove a point" by having a poll on their website for folks to take about their opinion on gay marriage. They intend to present the results of this poll to the United States Congress in an attempt to instate a federal law against Gay Marriage.

It's obvious that they think that this poll will come out in their favor, and that the vast majority of people will vote to keep marriage for traditional couples only. It takes about 45 seconds, and it is SUCH an important topic. Whether you are gay or straight, conservative or liberal, your opinion matters, and you NEED to vote here. The only folks who were even made aware of its existence were the people on the AFAs mailing list and the people who happened to wander across their website. They have absolutely every intention of presenting this poll in the form of a petition to congress against gay marriage. I wonder if they will still present it when the YAYs outweigh the NAYs? Please fill it out and pass it on!

vote here

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Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
9:09 pm - Finding Empathy Without Drowning

you want the truth?

my skin is no barrier. everything gushes in
until i am a muddy puddle. I overflow.

i gulp down stories of loss
and pain as if i am dying
of thirst.

in the spectrum of empathy,
i am lost in the chaos
of the end point. i need to center,
develop roots and bark,
so the flow
can trickle in slowly.

then i can absorb it all,
bear fruit
and feed you.


current mood: recovering (i hope)

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Monday, November 17th, 2003
9:28 pm - two more


Blood in the AIDS Center’s Bathroom

i am
shocked and crimson.

my heart pauses
to watch.

i am being tested. this is not my blood.

i am
melodramatic: my skin seals me.

nothing can get inside.

it takes several seconds
to feel the irony, the jolting truth of my own
irrational
fears
before i wash my hands again
and leave.

if only it was truly that simple.
wash your hands, make the blood disappear.






Fate, and Other Injustices

i am ashamed when it is hard to look,
to be with you and stay in my own body,
to see your battle fatigue and suffering.

it is not you that frightens me --
it is my own alternate potentials.

i am afraid of the other versions of me, the ones
whose disturbed gestation periods,
whose past contaminated needles,
resulted in twisted arms and isolation
or self-destructive immune systems.

i am afraid that i do not deserve
these healthy limbs and bones and blood and skin.
i am afraid that it’s been a mistake,
that everything will be taken away.

i am afraid of my own self-centeredness.

i am here with you.
i can hold everything.
i will stay.

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6:50 pm - Poem for Chronic Illness & Disability Massage class

Song for Doris

You may be the last survivor.

You talk of death
the way I talk of clouds
or an argument with my lover. Your smile
is brilliant and lucid -- I would have forgotten how
by now. Ironic, I am using my strength
on your shoulders and back, but
you are infinitely stronger.

I want to reach you, but your muscles block
every motion. You want this, I can feel it. You want
fusion/connection/integration, but your body betrays.

Practicing acceptance is simple,
as long as nonattachment
really means detachment.

Perhaps that is the wrong path.
Perhaps the true secret is universal attachment.

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Monday, October 6th, 2003
9:04 am
i woke up this morning before the sun rose, and couldn't fall back asleep because i'm so disturbed about the prospect of having arnold the groper, arnold the brainless-idiot-who-can't-put-a-sentence-together, arnold the king of disgusting sexist comments, for governor.

just in case anyone's interested, here's an article about his past dealings with the energy companies.

Read more...Collapse )

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Friday, September 12th, 2003
10:12 pm - image from a mediation during cancer class

why am i here?

at first my cerebral cortex
offers reasons.

no. not you.
why am i here?


fog. flitting thoughts.
then, a face; almost underwater,
surface shimmering.

she is old, terrifying
and beautiful
with silver hair cascading,
with lines and contortions
marking the geography
of her ancient skin.

what do you want?

she moves closer, her face
consuming my vision.

i want to come inside

i am afraid.
she will take root
in my belly, spread out her
fingers, causing tiny mutations
in my DNA.

i want to come inside

my mouth opens and she glides in with my breath;
i hold her gently in my belly.

when i exhale, she remains.

why are you here?

her face is fluid--
she is jochebed, she is miriam, she is
mythological and current. she set her
baby in the reeds and she
eats lime jello.

i can feel her featherweight, her heartbeat
inside me.

i have been traveling
for thousands of years.

i am here to rest.

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Thursday, August 14th, 2003
8:20 am - must... have... dsl...
john and i are now living in our new apartment, and i have a million things to write and no time to write them...

except to say:

why are neither hotmail nor onebox letting me check my email, while i can get on livejournal just fine?

grar. i feel like i'm stuck in the stone age. (the stone age = before email, or the early nineties)

current mood: grar

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Sunday, July 6th, 2003
5:31 pm
wieners.

current mood: confused

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Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
5:41 pm - help me, please...
i want to register a domain name... do any of you have any suggestions about the best way to do this? i'm going to need a server (i don't have a hosting site yet).

help?

current mood: hopeful

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Monday, April 7th, 2003
12:22 pm - skinner is laughing in his grave...
i just had a disturbing realization about livejournal. through the operant conditioning of positive reinforcement, negative and self-destructive thought patterns are reinforced.

example:
i write a post about what's going on in my life... i'm pretty happy, i met with some friends, i had a thought about cloud formations and wind speeds. i either don't get any comments or i get one or two short comments.
the next day, i feel like crap... i write a long entry about how i want to die, how the world is so chaotic and depressing, how i feel immensely unattractive... and i get 10 comments, all telling me that i'm special/worthwhile/that i should keep truckin'.

dangerous world, this livejournal.

current mood: disturbed

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11:10 am - and he's a POET, too!
A Confession
Once in a while,
I'm standing here, doing something.
And I think,
"What in the world am I doing here?"
It's a big surprise.

-Donald Rumsfeld


current mood: amused

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Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
4:50 pm - turn your sound up!
hee hee

current mood: bouncy

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11:21 am - morning bubbles

the night recreates us.
dreams sift the anger
into images of orcas, trolls,
republicans.

we are safe.
we wake up in bubbles, turn
and merge
our rainbow walls, feel the curves
and bristles of our bodies
until the dirty
dishes in the sink
pop
us back
into daylight.

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Thursday, March 27th, 2003
8:03 pm - because two is a more friendly number
A WARMONGER EXPLAINS WAR TO A PEACENIK
By Anonymous

Read more...Collapse )

current mood: it's getting worse

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7:56 pm - haw haw
the uncensored state of the union address.

current mood: cynical

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Thursday, March 20th, 2003
1:20 pm - Citizens' Declaration -- please sign it!
If you would like to DO something (even though I am pessimistic that we have any say in what our government does), please sign this Citizens' Declaration, reaffirming your commitment to international cooperation.

The outbreak of war is not the end of the fight for peace -- only the beginning. Around the globe, people are joining together in the declaration below. We will be announcing it in a press conference on Friday, and we need your help to make it as big as possible.

Signing up will only take a minute of your time, but it'll send a message that the momentum built through our opposition to war in Iraq will only keep growing.

You can sign up at:

moveon.org

Here's the text of the Declaration:

------------

A CITIZENS' DECLARATION

As a US-led invasion of Iraq begins,
we, the undersigned citizens of many countries,
reaffirm our commitment to addressing international
conflicts through the rule of law and the United Nations.

By joining together across countries and continents,
we have emerged as a new force for peace.
As we grieve for the victims of this war,
we pledge to redouble our efforts to put an end to the Bush
Administration's doctrine of pre-emptive attack and
the reckless use of military power.

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